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Post by Sorrows on Dec 28, 2005 15:14:05 GMT -8
Appreciate the vote of confidence, but I don't think I'm a great writer.. Mine's usually really stale, I only write ones like this when I'm inspired. I suppose that could be true for a lot of great writers though, huh? I don't know. I liked it.
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Post by Dark Beauty on Dec 28, 2005 15:19:43 GMT -8
I do like yours, Sorrows. It has a nice rhythm to it, and I think that the mystery to it is a nice touch. I can't do the mystery thing to save my life.
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Post by Sorrows on Dec 28, 2005 15:22:32 GMT -8
Well, like I said, it was inspired. It sort of.. came out. If you told me to write about someting specific, I wouldn't be able to do it to save my life. I can only write about something I feel strongly about.
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Post by 7john7 on Dec 29, 2005 13:40:16 GMT -8
Good job guys. Those are cool. I can't really write poems, I write songs and rhymes. I guess I should post a few to get more opinions on them.
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Post by 7john7 on Dec 29, 2005 17:12:07 GMT -8
OK, here's one poem I've written. Tell me what you guys think of it. And how it makes you feel. I want to hear your opinions of it. Although, I will warn you it's a little dark and creepy, it lives up to it's title. OK, so here it is....
[glow=red,2,300]The Stalkers of the Night[/glow]
You're walking home, you're all alone Silence fills the shadows, The anger in your heart Voices whisper in your head, The fears of memory's dread You've kept it locked up in your soul, buried in your past The feelings of your past, Emotions clear as glass Purge forth here at last. Seep and scream forth from the night The darkest corners of your mind Now present borders in your life Gleaming forth from twilight sky. Your pains and fears watching you, Soundly from the dark Silently as you are, Strolling through the park. Will you make it home, safely through the night? And see the morning light, The Stalkers of the Night. You're falling fast, Your failing mask Memory's remain, Among it lies your shame Pounding on your shame, Manipulating pain Hear the steps behind you, Lurking in the dark As they seek you out, they'll leave another mark The terror streaming from your eyes, The hammer pounding of your heart, The stalker's work of art Now we see the patterns of your life, The demons that you've made. You won't live to see another day, if you choose to stay Within these prison walls, Inside this hell you've made Turn around and see, See with your own eyes The beings in the dark, The red eyes of your heart. Stand up now and face the demons of your mind, Lest you be consumed. The Stalkers of the Night.
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Post by Dark Beauty on Dec 30, 2005 20:02:08 GMT -8
Wow.... creepiness to the max....
*More crit later... I have to leave...*
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Post by Sorrows on Dec 30, 2005 23:26:44 GMT -8
Well done, for what it is. I like to inspire with my writing, and all that inspires is doubt, fear, and malice. It's not my kind of poetry, but, as I said, for what it is, it is done VERY well.
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Post by brainsqugee on Dec 31, 2005 0:12:51 GMT -8
I agree, well done Anthrax. I have learned recently that my poems really make no sense. So I just tend to throw them away, or burn them, or bury them, or send them to the moon. As long as no one else can ever read to physical representation of the inner workings of my incredibly inferior human worm baby mind. (hehe, what a vastly superior sentence.)
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Post by Sorrows on Dec 31, 2005 11:17:20 GMT -8
Brain, I'm almost sick of hearing you bag on yourself like that. Even if it is in joking, you shouldn't demean yourself. You are just as creative and intelligent as any one of us. You are part of the group and belong here, our friendship is proof of that. And I don't like to hear my freinds talk about themselves like that, even in humor. Maybe it's just me, but it makes me mad.
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Post by 7john7 on Dec 31, 2005 19:01:50 GMT -8
Thanks, like I said it's creepy. With this poem I mainly went for the freaky/suspense factor. And got into the mind set of the stalker and his victim (mainly the victim), and then taking that relationship and relating it to dwelling in the memory of your pains and never really healing from the hurts you've received and the wounds that were never healed. The ones that you just buried down deep inside yourself and never confronted them in oder to heal from them and all the wrongs you've received in your life. And therefor since you never took the time to heal from those wounds and just buried them inside yourself they're not gone, they're still there, you never recovered. And then, not are you only shoving aside your hurts you're also adding to them by not healing from the ones you received in the first place. Therefor you created your own demons and they are in a sense "Stalking" you. And if you don't confront them, sooner or later they're going to catch up to you and you might not make it through it all if you don't face up to it all. In real world terms, Cancer, sickness in general, suicide, losing your mental stability, etc. "Feelings Buried alive never die." In order to really understand what I wrote you're going to have to pay close attention to the words I used. Look up a few in the dictionary if you have to. That is if you care to understand it. all that inspires is doubt, fear, and malice. No, it does not inspire it. What makes it so creepy is that with the style of writing I didn't just point over there and say watch this. I put you in the victim's position and let you feel the doubt, fear, malice and insecurity. Anyway, thanks for come back I appreciate your honesty.
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Post by brainsqugee on Dec 31, 2005 19:51:54 GMT -8
Oh no Sorrows. I did not mean to sound as though I was demeaning myself. I was speaking in general. I was'nt hating myself. I was hating humans in general. You got to admit, the world is incredibly corrupt nowadays.
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Post by deliverance on Jan 2, 2006 4:00:18 GMT -8
Heh, compared to when? Every other time period, humanity has always been corrupt.
Never tell people what your writings do, because every pair of eyes and every mind, will have its own individual thoughts. They may all be the same, but they are usually vastly different. Just say what you were trying to accomplish. If that is not what is thought, then you did not accomplish it to one person.
Overall, it was a nicely written piece.
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Post by 7john7 on Jan 2, 2006 15:13:18 GMT -8
Thanks. every pair of eyes and every mind, will have its own individual thoughts. They may all be the same, but they are usually vastly different. Yeah, everyone has their own perception. I'm just saying, if you look closely at the choice of words and their meaning, you'll realize there's more there then what meets the eye at first glance. That's all. And I thought I would shed a little light on what was going through my head at the time. I'm not exactly proud of the fact that my first attempt at writing a full poem is so dark and creepy. But hey that's what I was going for so, I have myself to blame for that. I guess now that I got the creepy part down, I should try and get the pretty part down. lol. Well thanks for telling me what you guys think, I appreciate it. I'm not really a poet so, I can't really judge poetry ( Although I think your guys poems are awesome!). And now I await for the criticism of the Dark. ( Don't be shy, tell me what you think, even if it hurts ).
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Post by deliverance on Jan 2, 2006 15:57:55 GMT -8
Heh... Writing poetry of beauty and happiness are the hardest ones for me. I suppose that is because those two things aren't on my soul as much as hatred, darkness, etc.
Dark here has a talent for writing some uplifting poetry. I envy that. The only uplifting things I do write about is love. Sorrows can write some uplifting poems, but he has rarely written any, or at least shown me if he has written some.
Ah, the wonderful world of Poetry.
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Post by Dark Beauty on Jan 2, 2006 16:52:42 GMT -8
Thank you, Shodow, dear.
Alright. Really, the one thing that really bugs me is the spelling... there are also a few places where punctuation is misused.
Anyway, the poem itself is extrememly well written. I just think that the rythm is a bit awkward. You see, when using rhyme in a poem, the usual way of writing it is to have each line about the same length. If you don't want to do so, so be it... it's great anyway.
You're good... usually when I crit, I go on a huge rant that ends up being quite offensive. There is not mcuh wrong with this! Congrats!
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