Post by rondell on Dec 9, 2005 23:21:52 GMT -8
Okay, I'm gonna tell you a story that I wrote down in fifteen minutes. It's called
Winston The Lonliest Platypus Saves Christmas...Kinda.
Once upon a time there was a lonely platypus named Winston, who was mocked because his name started with a W and had 7 letters.
He lived in a secret military facility where they created explosive waffles and bunny shaped bombs.
One day he looked at himself and said, "My I'm a dashing old pompous abomination!" And with that said, he went off to the Temple of Aphrodite to find himself a dame.
When he got there he said, "Oh great Goddess of love, I beg thy to find me a dame!"
The 17,988,886,444,321 inch high statue of her glorious self came to life, fell to her knees and shrieked in horror.
"OH SWEET MOTHER OF ZEUS!! WHAT IS THAT HORRIBLE PILE OF TALKING POTATOES DOING IN MY TEMPLE??" She sneered and poked Winston's belly, "Are you a spy sent in from Wooden Pants Man? I'll never reveal if I'm a natural blonde! Never!" After she finished spazzin', she turned back to stone and collapsed ontop of the poor platypus.
The Statues hit him as a hammer would a nail, crushing him underground into a secret dance recital being tought by a formally dressed millstone. The rock took one look at Winston and started giggling. Since the stone knew witchcraft, it summoned a can-can dancing whale to chace Winston into the abyss.
Eventually the two succumbed to stockholm syndrom, and took the whale on a date to a walk in clinic, eating the fake plants in the waiting room. They loved eachother dearly and had 2 children, only none survived the war in Arkansa.
But one day the whale realized she had the potential to go to American Idol. Thus, the two went their seperate ways.
5 years, 8 months, 9 weeks, 17 days, and 135 seconds passed after that. During this time Winston got toe injections, and legally changed his name to Windstarbuckles, so he wouldn't be made fun of back at home. He also spontaniously grew a fifth arm on his forehead. Twice.
When he did return home, people guffawed at them so hard they all went into a permanent acoma. This gave Windstarbuckles a new goal in life.
"I'm gonna save Christmas!!"
On his way to the North Pole, he saw a deer with a freakin' glowing nose, a green guy and a dog stealing posies, a snowman crushing a marshmellow hospital, and a claymated teacher singing about changes....weird.
He knew he had gotten there when he passed a rather large fat oderous man in a red jumpsuit three times.
"Hey Santa Claus, I wanna save Christmas!" Windstarbuckles tugged on St. whosiewhatsits sleeve. Santa glared at him and bit off his seventh arm ferociously.
"Look you freaky talking dairy product, Christmas is far too lost to be saved now. In fact, I make it worse by stealing this holiday from Jesus and stuffing coal in peoples' socks. Which is why I'm gonna set things right."
"How Santa?" Windstarbuckles asked innocently
"Well, I'm going to explode all humanity from the face of the Earth and make a seedless watermelon farm."
"Can I help?"
Santa gave the platypus a smile similar to a father watching his son make his first sacrificial ritual, and handed him a bunny shaped bomb. "Ofcourse sonny."
And so the two went off destroying the world one coutnry at a time. When all that was left was a single can of frozen cocktail shrimps. Santa looked over and said, "Hey, ugly, what's your name again?"
Windstarbuckles replied happily, "My name's Windstarbuckles!"
With that, Santa frowned so hard his beard caught on fire and his hat popped into a pile of squirrels.
"I will not allow a THING with a name that starts with a W and has 15 letters in its name work with me!!"
And so Santa punted The platypus off the sled.
"Well, I guess I'm off to the dust bunny planet Uberwanninicktoe." And so he did, and after he said hello to the gaurds, they made him king and now he resides in his palace, picking his nose with his arm on his forehead while he nibbles on the liver of a newborn baby.
THE END~!
Winston The Lonliest Platypus Saves Christmas...Kinda.
Once upon a time there was a lonely platypus named Winston, who was mocked because his name started with a W and had 7 letters.
He lived in a secret military facility where they created explosive waffles and bunny shaped bombs.
One day he looked at himself and said, "My I'm a dashing old pompous abomination!" And with that said, he went off to the Temple of Aphrodite to find himself a dame.
When he got there he said, "Oh great Goddess of love, I beg thy to find me a dame!"
The 17,988,886,444,321 inch high statue of her glorious self came to life, fell to her knees and shrieked in horror.
"OH SWEET MOTHER OF ZEUS!! WHAT IS THAT HORRIBLE PILE OF TALKING POTATOES DOING IN MY TEMPLE??" She sneered and poked Winston's belly, "Are you a spy sent in from Wooden Pants Man? I'll never reveal if I'm a natural blonde! Never!" After she finished spazzin', she turned back to stone and collapsed ontop of the poor platypus.
The Statues hit him as a hammer would a nail, crushing him underground into a secret dance recital being tought by a formally dressed millstone. The rock took one look at Winston and started giggling. Since the stone knew witchcraft, it summoned a can-can dancing whale to chace Winston into the abyss.
Eventually the two succumbed to stockholm syndrom, and took the whale on a date to a walk in clinic, eating the fake plants in the waiting room. They loved eachother dearly and had 2 children, only none survived the war in Arkansa.
But one day the whale realized she had the potential to go to American Idol. Thus, the two went their seperate ways.
5 years, 8 months, 9 weeks, 17 days, and 135 seconds passed after that. During this time Winston got toe injections, and legally changed his name to Windstarbuckles, so he wouldn't be made fun of back at home. He also spontaniously grew a fifth arm on his forehead. Twice.
When he did return home, people guffawed at them so hard they all went into a permanent acoma. This gave Windstarbuckles a new goal in life.
"I'm gonna save Christmas!!"
On his way to the North Pole, he saw a deer with a freakin' glowing nose, a green guy and a dog stealing posies, a snowman crushing a marshmellow hospital, and a claymated teacher singing about changes....weird.
He knew he had gotten there when he passed a rather large fat oderous man in a red jumpsuit three times.
"Hey Santa Claus, I wanna save Christmas!" Windstarbuckles tugged on St. whosiewhatsits sleeve. Santa glared at him and bit off his seventh arm ferociously.
"Look you freaky talking dairy product, Christmas is far too lost to be saved now. In fact, I make it worse by stealing this holiday from Jesus and stuffing coal in peoples' socks. Which is why I'm gonna set things right."
"How Santa?" Windstarbuckles asked innocently
"Well, I'm going to explode all humanity from the face of the Earth and make a seedless watermelon farm."
"Can I help?"
Santa gave the platypus a smile similar to a father watching his son make his first sacrificial ritual, and handed him a bunny shaped bomb. "Ofcourse sonny."
And so the two went off destroying the world one coutnry at a time. When all that was left was a single can of frozen cocktail shrimps. Santa looked over and said, "Hey, ugly, what's your name again?"
Windstarbuckles replied happily, "My name's Windstarbuckles!"
With that, Santa frowned so hard his beard caught on fire and his hat popped into a pile of squirrels.
"I will not allow a THING with a name that starts with a W and has 15 letters in its name work with me!!"
And so Santa punted The platypus off the sled.
"Well, I guess I'm off to the dust bunny planet Uberwanninicktoe." And so he did, and after he said hello to the gaurds, they made him king and now he resides in his palace, picking his nose with his arm on his forehead while he nibbles on the liver of a newborn baby.
THE END~!