Post by Raiku on Jun 7, 2007 22:35:37 GMT -8
I can't vent to anyone at the moment, so I'm going to vent to the site. Tiny's World, you yourself, are my new best friend. My sketchpad, if you will.
Don't think of this as a hate rant. You folks can write poetry of your feelings, but this is all I got.
I really shouldn't feel betrayed by all this, but nonetheless, it seems to be a major part in my emotions at the moment. Why? It's my fault to being with...this whole breakup thing. If I had been stronger and placed more trust in her, none of this would of happened. But I can't focus on "what if's" because no one really knows. Only Good God Almighty ( who also seems to have tossed me aside ) can tell what is in my future. You have to look forward, people change, they have to. If people didn't change, we would all already be dead.
I have no one left to complain to, and I don't want to burden people with it. So, if you don't want to read this, by all means don't. And no need to respond, because I won't expect anyone to. This will all come out unorganized, because it's just whats going on through my head. Stuff in there never quite makes sense.
I'll quote Everret Ulysses McGill when he said, "So ya'll against me now too? *sigh* The whole world, God Almighty, and now you. Guess I deserve it."
Slowly, I can feel myself coming back, my power returning. Tim and Remy showed me that at the 'moving up' assembly. I led the entire group of like 20 kids into the new seats. People will know who I am next year, I will lead us into a new year. All you future seniors, stick with me. Dark, Thistle, Hamster, be with me. I'll help you all, whether or not you help me.
Mizuki, I'll be here. I'll be right here. You need me, I'll help you out. Need someone to talk to, still right here. In case you didn't hear me, I'll be right here.
My cell phone is gone, I have no contact with anyone. Kinda gives me time for self-reflection. My soul is a dark place which I had never hoped to search, but it was a path I was meant to walk. I found in there secrets about who I can be, and I want to make them all come true. Yet, there are also things left to be found. One cannot mature over night, but I feel like I am being forced to.
I lost, I will always lose until I learn to stand up and fight. I will NEVER lose like this again.
None of you are allowed to go through this, so look at yourself through other's eyes. Your perception can often be warped. A tip, take a second to think about what you have. Dark and Zephyr, particularly you two. NEVER give up on what you have, and don't try and diminish the flame.
When you have someone, don't try and keep them to yourself. Trust them, always.
"Without trust, there is no love."
Don't lie to your mate, tell them the truth always. Don't put up a persona to fit thier wants, it will only hurt in the end. If you really care about them, you can tell them everything, because they should be able to accept it if they feel the same way.
Risk everything. It's worth it.
Tell her you love her, and mean it with everything you are. And pray to God that she loves you too. Because if she doesn't, it's a feeling Hell itself cannot compete with. You lose your safe haven. I got lucky, I still have a great friend out of this deal. The only thing this has done is force me to grow.
I can honestly say that I am different now. Life changed over these weeks. It's in these times that boys become men, and men become pirates. So I have one thing to say:
"Yarr"
I love you all, to the bloody core. Don't let me lose again.
*sigh* That felt good...
Don't think of this as a hate rant. You folks can write poetry of your feelings, but this is all I got.
I really shouldn't feel betrayed by all this, but nonetheless, it seems to be a major part in my emotions at the moment. Why? It's my fault to being with...this whole breakup thing. If I had been stronger and placed more trust in her, none of this would of happened. But I can't focus on "what if's" because no one really knows. Only Good God Almighty ( who also seems to have tossed me aside ) can tell what is in my future. You have to look forward, people change, they have to. If people didn't change, we would all already be dead.
I have no one left to complain to, and I don't want to burden people with it. So, if you don't want to read this, by all means don't. And no need to respond, because I won't expect anyone to. This will all come out unorganized, because it's just whats going on through my head. Stuff in there never quite makes sense.
I'll quote Everret Ulysses McGill when he said, "So ya'll against me now too? *sigh* The whole world, God Almighty, and now you. Guess I deserve it."
Slowly, I can feel myself coming back, my power returning. Tim and Remy showed me that at the 'moving up' assembly. I led the entire group of like 20 kids into the new seats. People will know who I am next year, I will lead us into a new year. All you future seniors, stick with me. Dark, Thistle, Hamster, be with me. I'll help you all, whether or not you help me.
Mizuki, I'll be here. I'll be right here. You need me, I'll help you out. Need someone to talk to, still right here. In case you didn't hear me, I'll be right here.
My cell phone is gone, I have no contact with anyone. Kinda gives me time for self-reflection. My soul is a dark place which I had never hoped to search, but it was a path I was meant to walk. I found in there secrets about who I can be, and I want to make them all come true. Yet, there are also things left to be found. One cannot mature over night, but I feel like I am being forced to.
I lost, I will always lose until I learn to stand up and fight. I will NEVER lose like this again.
None of you are allowed to go through this, so look at yourself through other's eyes. Your perception can often be warped. A tip, take a second to think about what you have. Dark and Zephyr, particularly you two. NEVER give up on what you have, and don't try and diminish the flame.
When you have someone, don't try and keep them to yourself. Trust them, always.
"Without trust, there is no love."
Don't lie to your mate, tell them the truth always. Don't put up a persona to fit thier wants, it will only hurt in the end. If you really care about them, you can tell them everything, because they should be able to accept it if they feel the same way.
Risk everything. It's worth it.
Tell her you love her, and mean it with everything you are. And pray to God that she loves you too. Because if she doesn't, it's a feeling Hell itself cannot compete with. You lose your safe haven. I got lucky, I still have a great friend out of this deal. The only thing this has done is force me to grow.
I can honestly say that I am different now. Life changed over these weeks. It's in these times that boys become men, and men become pirates. So I have one thing to say:
"Yarr"
I love you all, to the bloody core. Don't let me lose again.
*sigh* That felt good...